...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
