By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
