I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
