Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
