Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
