my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You took a bar mat shot.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
