dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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