then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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