SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
