I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
