I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
