He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
