I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
