She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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