I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
