i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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