Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
