I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
