I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
