Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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