Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
