if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
