I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am one with the molecules
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize