This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
