I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
