Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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