You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Boobs are out for the taking
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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