Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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