I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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