how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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