I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
