I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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