She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I party with great urgency now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
