Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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