Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i out mim tonsoeep
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