shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize