Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
