I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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