he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
worst night to have a conscience
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
