You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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