he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
