Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
