I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
