Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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