don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
