maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
