He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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