What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
