Sry I called you an 8
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
