wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
