I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize