Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
