I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so let's talk penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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