I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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