God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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