I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
