Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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