Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
