Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
