when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you win again, gameday.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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