So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
