i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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