I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
