____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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