either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
