i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
