She is in my trunk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
