My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
