He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
