I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
