Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
