Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
