I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize