He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
