My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
