it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
