I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
