whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize