So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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