At least make sure they are 18
Why
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
