the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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