eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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