I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize