YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
