I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
