I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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