"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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