Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
