She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
