Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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