I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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