Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
