I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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