Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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