I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
